By: Joan Chen, President of Dissonant
I am from a Chinese speaking household. I am not Chinese, I am Chinese American. I
am an ABC, American Born Chinese. I grew up in the DMV (DC, Maryland and Virginia),
specifically DC and Northern Virginia. My parents own a family Chinese restaurant in DC and
as I grew up, the business grew alongside me.
We offer authentic Szechuan cuisine (川 菜 Chuāncài) and many tourists from China
would stop by for a meal. I waitressed for a long time, but when these visitors came I always
feared talking to them. Even if it was basic survival terms: water, food, or napkins, I was not
comfortable speaking Chinese. I understood it, but what scared me was making a mistake. I
would then immediately rush over to one of my family members who spoke Chinese fluently to take care of the customers.
I have always relied on my parents and family members when it came to speaking for me,
reading information, explaining history, etc in Chinese. My parents were always there to speak
the language for me. This excused me from the need to learn the language entirely. I was never satisfied with this thought. I have always felt a language and cultural barrier between me and my family. Around my family I am confined to my own silence because I simply cannot translate all the thoughts that I have in English to Chinese. Where I was from many people could relate to this situation. Some would speak the language fluently, but could not read or write (like me), and some wouldn’t be able to do either, but are still very involved with their culture. I believe a lot of who a person is comes from their thoughts and values. My thoughts and values are walls that I have yet to expose to my family.
But through these years of not being able to participate entirely through verbal
connections, I have been able to observe. I am Chinese, Chinese American. I am able to
experience an insight in Chinese culture from my parents, but I am also able to experience the
different cultures that I grew up around in the DMV. I saw diversity throughout the community
I’ve lived in for 18 years from driving down to Annandale, VA and getting Korean food to going to my friend’s house and eating plantains and jollof rice (Ghanaian food). The melting pot that was created when we started sharing our own cultural stories and traditions defined my identity as a Chinese American. That is the gem that I grew up around.